Yesterday, I weighed in with another installment of "students say the darndest things." When I casually asked my wife if she read it, she informed me that she thinks the "students say the darndest things" entries are--and I'm quoting--"snoozers." Feelings were definitely hurt. Anyway, she requested that I make it up to her by writing about The Celebrity Apprentice, so I feel that I owe it to her.
As I've mentioned before, I watched the first season of The Apprentice religously. I didn't really pay much attention again until this season, but when Gene Simmons, Stephen Baldwin, and Nadia Comaneci are going to be in the same boardroom, you watch. And before long, it became appointment television. My early pick for the winner was ex-supermodel Carol Alt, but before long, the Baker family became serious fans of Mr. Trace Adkins. This has been pretty standard with me and reality television. I like the normal ones--Rebecca from The Real World: Seattle, Tamyra Gray from the first season of American Idol, etc. And Trace, in the context of The Celebrity Apprentice, was the normal one. But last night, Donal Trump fired him, thereby putting the exclamation point on reality television's worst week ever. (See yesterday's entry for more on that.)
Here's the thing: For the last week, NBC had been promoting the showdown between Trace and Piers Morgan (who, along with Tiffany Fallon, was one of the only two "celebrities" I'd never heard of before the show began) as the battle of "Good v. Evil." Trace is the laid-back cowboy who did everything with dignity; Piers is the sneaky, underhanded British guy. Now, they didn't need to do it that way. Those shows are obviously mostly about editing, so they could have edited it in a way that didn't make everyone pro-Trace. But once they made that decision, I think it was Donald Trump's responsibility to make Trace the celebrity apprentice. Why would you pit good versus evil and give the job to evil?! And I'm not the only one that thinks so--on the NBC web site, the web poll question is "Did the Donald make the right decision?" and 65% of America said no. Infuriating.
So here's what came of my experience with The Celebrity Apprentice: 1) I have a new-found respect for Trace Adkins; 2) I have a new level of loathing for all things British; 3) I've realized that Ivanka Trump is actually fairly normal--much more than any other Trumps; 4) I do not like Marilu Henner; 5) I don't understand how someone as blah as Lennox Lewis wins a heavyweight title; and 6) there is nothing funnier than watching Trace Adkins deal with the Backstreet Boys. Plus, this mildly angry blog entry. Damn Brits.
Later gators.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
students say the darndest things (part 3)
First of all, I'm seething right now. My guy, Chikezie, got the boot on American Idol last night. Absolutely ludicrous. Here is a list of people who are actually better than the C-Man: Brooke White, Carly Smithson, David Cook, and Michael Johns. If those were the only people still on the show and Chikezie-E got voted off, I would have no problems with that. But to pull a Bernie Mac here for a minute, Come on, America! Kristy Lee Cook? Jason Castro? Ramiele Malubay, for crying out loud! I know there's no way to find this out, but I would wager my first-born son on the fact that Chikezie would sell more tickets and albums that Ramiele. And it wouldn't be close. So thank you, voters, for making the rest of my AI-watching experience slightly less enjoyable. Hope you're happy. At least it looks like next week's The Moment of Truth is going to be truly horrifying, so I've got that to look forward to.
Since I'm too upset to come up with a new idea, I'm weighing in with another installment of "student say the darndest things." I've decided that this is a truly inspired idea for a regular feature because I might someday run out of ideas for Top 10's, and I can only do mailbags if people are commenting, but kids will always say stupid things in their papers. It's a bottomless well of material. So let's get started. As always, the names have been changed, but these are all direct quotations.
STEPHANIE CARLSON (analysis of "War is Kind"): "In ‘War is Kind,’ Stephen Crane says, ‘Point for them the virtue of slaughter.’ He is saying that the men at war get points for killing people."
How many statements like this do I have to put up before you start wondering if it's really just my crazy kids or if I'm truly an incompetent teacher? Maybe we're already there...
JENNIFER HART (analysis of a David Eggers short short story): “Children enjoy being naked. They also like to hide their diapers from you, but that isn’t the point of this paper.”
Unfortunately--but maybe predictably--it never became clear what the point of the paper actually was.
ANDY O'BRIEN (analysis of a David Eggers short short story): “Some symbolism that I believe is in there is the Enron coffee cup symbolizes Roderick, the grapefruit juice symbolizes his wife’s complaining, and the cantaloupe symbolizes his plan to solve his wife’s issue with sleep eventually in possible murder.”
1) I love how he says the symbolism is "in there." It's like he's cleaning out a gutter. 2) I thought the last part of this sentence was crazy, but I just checked in my symbolism book, and it says, "CANTALOUPE: freshness, morning, plans to solve spouse's sleep issues with murder." So it turns out Andy was on to something.
ALICIA CONNOR (analysis of a D.E. short short story): “The passage ‘and when she thinks of what she will say to him and how loudly she will say it, she feels a strange kind of pleasure’ is like a slap in the face. This is a surprise to the reader, who now find out that the mother is unexpectedly a sado-masochist.”
It certainly came as a surprise to this reader.
ERIN NABORS (analysis of "Incident," by Countee Cullen): “Have you ever seen someone that was being racial towards another person?”
"Racial," Erin? Really?
DEVON MAISE (analysis of "The Red Wheelbarrow," by William Carlos Williams): “Another thing that was interesting about the structure was the first line has three words and the second line has one. Why he did this I am not sure, but it’s interesting to think about.”
This is really all I ask from my students. I don't need you to understand what's going on in the poem. Just give me something interesting to think about. Well done.
CRAIG GOLDBERG (analysis of "Incident"): “Having been denied work just for being labeled as an idiot I can relate to how these insults feels.”
This might be my all-time favorite. Just let it soak in for a while.
JORDAN CARTER (timed write): “Example: Boyfriend Mark decides to lie to girlfriend Anna. ‘Mark, we should go see a movie tonight. I think it would be a lot of fun since we don’t get to be with each other that often.’ Mark replies, ‘No, no. I feel a little sick. I’ve had a headache all day. Maybe we could save it until tomorrow?’ Is he telling her the truth? Nope. In reality, he is going out with her best friend Meg.”
Based on the tone of this essay, I think that "Mark" is an actual person, and he'd better watch out. The actual Jordan seems kind of like a crazy person.
Now, I'm going to introduce these final excerpts, all from the same paper, by saying that the core thesis of this essay is basically this: School is not as competitive as Alexandra Robbins claims it is in the book The Overachievers. Most people are content to just get by. At least Greg is.
GREG HARRIS: “[I read] the non-fiction novel The Overachievers”; “I am a senior in high school and all of my friends are starting to pick out collages”; “I have [a lot of friends] whose lives are already set for them. By that I mean they already have a full-time job and are out as an adult in the work force, [which] makes it a little less competitive for people like me to get into collage.”
1) What is a non-fiction novel? For those of you who have not read it, The Overachievers is not one. 2) He spelled "colleges" this way every single time. 3) Well, I'm glad that the fact that intelligent people are getting jobs is making it easier for you to get into collage. Just don't tell them that I had anything to do with it.
Later gators.
Since I'm too upset to come up with a new idea, I'm weighing in with another installment of "student say the darndest things." I've decided that this is a truly inspired idea for a regular feature because I might someday run out of ideas for Top 10's, and I can only do mailbags if people are commenting, but kids will always say stupid things in their papers. It's a bottomless well of material. So let's get started. As always, the names have been changed, but these are all direct quotations.
STEPHANIE CARLSON (analysis of "War is Kind"): "In ‘War is Kind,’ Stephen Crane says, ‘Point for them the virtue of slaughter.’ He is saying that the men at war get points for killing people."
How many statements like this do I have to put up before you start wondering if it's really just my crazy kids or if I'm truly an incompetent teacher? Maybe we're already there...
JENNIFER HART (analysis of a David Eggers short short story): “Children enjoy being naked. They also like to hide their diapers from you, but that isn’t the point of this paper.”
Unfortunately--but maybe predictably--it never became clear what the point of the paper actually was.
ANDY O'BRIEN (analysis of a David Eggers short short story): “Some symbolism that I believe is in there is the Enron coffee cup symbolizes Roderick, the grapefruit juice symbolizes his wife’s complaining, and the cantaloupe symbolizes his plan to solve his wife’s issue with sleep eventually in possible murder.”
1) I love how he says the symbolism is "in there." It's like he's cleaning out a gutter. 2) I thought the last part of this sentence was crazy, but I just checked in my symbolism book, and it says, "CANTALOUPE: freshness, morning, plans to solve spouse's sleep issues with murder." So it turns out Andy was on to something.
ALICIA CONNOR (analysis of a D.E. short short story): “The passage ‘and when she thinks of what she will say to him and how loudly she will say it, she feels a strange kind of pleasure’ is like a slap in the face. This is a surprise to the reader, who now find out that the mother is unexpectedly a sado-masochist.”
It certainly came as a surprise to this reader.
ERIN NABORS (analysis of "Incident," by Countee Cullen): “Have you ever seen someone that was being racial towards another person?”
"Racial," Erin? Really?
DEVON MAISE (analysis of "The Red Wheelbarrow," by William Carlos Williams): “Another thing that was interesting about the structure was the first line has three words and the second line has one. Why he did this I am not sure, but it’s interesting to think about.”
This is really all I ask from my students. I don't need you to understand what's going on in the poem. Just give me something interesting to think about. Well done.
CRAIG GOLDBERG (analysis of "Incident"): “Having been denied work just for being labeled as an idiot I can relate to how these insults feels.”
This might be my all-time favorite. Just let it soak in for a while.
JORDAN CARTER (timed write): “Example: Boyfriend Mark decides to lie to girlfriend Anna. ‘Mark, we should go see a movie tonight. I think it would be a lot of fun since we don’t get to be with each other that often.’ Mark replies, ‘No, no. I feel a little sick. I’ve had a headache all day. Maybe we could save it until tomorrow?’ Is he telling her the truth? Nope. In reality, he is going out with her best friend Meg.”
Based on the tone of this essay, I think that "Mark" is an actual person, and he'd better watch out. The actual Jordan seems kind of like a crazy person.
Now, I'm going to introduce these final excerpts, all from the same paper, by saying that the core thesis of this essay is basically this: School is not as competitive as Alexandra Robbins claims it is in the book The Overachievers. Most people are content to just get by. At least Greg is.
GREG HARRIS: “[I read] the non-fiction novel The Overachievers”; “I am a senior in high school and all of my friends are starting to pick out collages”; “I have [a lot of friends] whose lives are already set for them. By that I mean they already have a full-time job and are out as an adult in the work force, [which] makes it a little less competitive for people like me to get into collage.”
1) What is a non-fiction novel? For those of you who have not read it, The Overachievers is not one. 2) He spelled "colleges" this way every single time. 3) Well, I'm glad that the fact that intelligent people are getting jobs is making it easier for you to get into collage. Just don't tell them that I had anything to do with it.
Later gators.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
miscellaneous
I have a funny story to tell, I want to address Joe's 2 Truths and a Lie, and I have a web site to recommend, so today we have a real teacher man smorgasbord. (New Year's Resolution '09: Use the word "smorgasbord" more often.)
THE APPETIZER
I stopped by the post office yesterday to send out a couple of things, and I heard the following conversation, word for word, between 2 middle school kids. (It is typically my policy to avoid salty language on teacher man whenever possible, but sometimes it's not possible. Be prepared.)
MIDDLE SCHOOLER #1: Okay, explain this to me.
MIDDLE SCHOOLER #2: Okay.
MS 1: 3 is 3 times as much as 1, right?
MS 2: Right.
MS 1: Then how come $3.99 is only twice as much as $1.99?
MS 2 (literally stopping in mid-stride, with his jaw nearly on the sidewalk, and in his most amazed voice): Holy shit.
MS 1: I know!
That made my Tuesday.
THE MAIN COURSE
Okay, I'm going to take a stab at Joe's 2 Truth and a Lie. If you didn't see his comment to yesterday's post, check it out.
1) I'm saying it's #3. I think Rod Stewart told you that you smelled good. (Again, if you didn't read his comment, you need to check it out because it just occurred to me that that sounds like a crazy sentence if you don't know what we're talking about.)
2) I don't remember you playing the evil doctor, but I do remember the other 2, so I'm saying #3. (Your performance in Hair, by the way, is the reason that every time Stacy mentions her place of employment, I sing, "Manchester, England, England!" in my head.)
3) #3. I don't think you flew home this year. I know that #1 is true because that's a classic mom move--the old Vaseline/coffee ground beard. And #2 sounds like something you'd do.
4) I'm saying #3 again. Too tall for American Idol? I don't think that sounds right. I think you're just too weird.
5) Tricky. I think they're all true. I guess maybe you saw a Broadway show that I'm not aware of. I'll say #2.
6) #3. You're not allergic. You used to think you didn't like them, but once you tried one, you realized that you love them. I listen to you.
7) #1. You did not walk with Stacy. Andy walked with Stacy--you walked with Aletha.
8) For you, #3 is the lie. But it wouldn't be for all of us.
9) I'm going to say #1, even though it seems just weird enough for Joe Baker to do it.
10) #3 is a bold-faced lie. Anyone who knows anything about Charlie and anything about you knows that you are identical. If you don't believe me, ask Joe to count to 10 and wait for him to say, "1, 2, 3, 4, 6, w, x, y, z!"
DESSERT
Stumbled upon this web site the other day, and it made me laugh. It's called "Stuff White People Like," and it's got short essays on stuff like multilingual children, bottles of water, Oscar parties, Mos Def, knowing what's best for poor people, Juno, sushi, Netflix, marathons, having black friends, and tea. You'll love it.
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm stuffed.
Later gators.
THE APPETIZER
I stopped by the post office yesterday to send out a couple of things, and I heard the following conversation, word for word, between 2 middle school kids. (It is typically my policy to avoid salty language on teacher man whenever possible, but sometimes it's not possible. Be prepared.)
MIDDLE SCHOOLER #1: Okay, explain this to me.
MIDDLE SCHOOLER #2: Okay.
MS 1: 3 is 3 times as much as 1, right?
MS 2: Right.
MS 1: Then how come $3.99 is only twice as much as $1.99?
MS 2 (literally stopping in mid-stride, with his jaw nearly on the sidewalk, and in his most amazed voice): Holy shit.
MS 1: I know!
That made my Tuesday.
THE MAIN COURSE
Okay, I'm going to take a stab at Joe's 2 Truth and a Lie. If you didn't see his comment to yesterday's post, check it out.
1) I'm saying it's #3. I think Rod Stewart told you that you smelled good. (Again, if you didn't read his comment, you need to check it out because it just occurred to me that that sounds like a crazy sentence if you don't know what we're talking about.)
2) I don't remember you playing the evil doctor, but I do remember the other 2, so I'm saying #3. (Your performance in Hair, by the way, is the reason that every time Stacy mentions her place of employment, I sing, "Manchester, England, England!" in my head.)
3) #3. I don't think you flew home this year. I know that #1 is true because that's a classic mom move--the old Vaseline/coffee ground beard. And #2 sounds like something you'd do.
4) I'm saying #3 again. Too tall for American Idol? I don't think that sounds right. I think you're just too weird.
5) Tricky. I think they're all true. I guess maybe you saw a Broadway show that I'm not aware of. I'll say #2.
6) #3. You're not allergic. You used to think you didn't like them, but once you tried one, you realized that you love them. I listen to you.
7) #1. You did not walk with Stacy. Andy walked with Stacy--you walked with Aletha.
8) For you, #3 is the lie. But it wouldn't be for all of us.
9) I'm going to say #1, even though it seems just weird enough for Joe Baker to do it.
10) #3 is a bold-faced lie. Anyone who knows anything about Charlie and anything about you knows that you are identical. If you don't believe me, ask Joe to count to 10 and wait for him to say, "1, 2, 3, 4, 6, w, x, y, z!"
DESSERT
Stumbled upon this web site the other day, and it made me laugh. It's called "Stuff White People Like," and it's got short essays on stuff like multilingual children, bottles of water, Oscar parties, Mos Def, knowing what's best for poor people, Juno, sushi, Netflix, marathons, having black friends, and tea. You'll love it.
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm stuffed.
Later gators.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
2 truths and a lie (part 2)
Is this self-indulgent? Maybe. Anyway, without further ado, the lies...
CELEBRITY ENCOUNTERS
If you look closely, you can see me in the background during the tour bus scene of the Vince Vaughn-Jennifer Aniston movie The Break-Up, which was shot in Chicago.
Nope. You can't. I think I did see the movie being filmed one day while we were in Chicago, but I'm pretty sure I'm not in it. I did talk to Rick Reilly on the phone, and I did see Kenny C. in a Nashville Subway--check out top 10 celebrity encounters for more details.
HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS
I was an all-conference football player in high school.
If you know anything about my high school football experience, this one made you laugh. In 2 years of JV and 3 years of varsity (I played both as a sophomore), we won a grand total of 3 games. We were routinely on the losing end of games that ended with scores like 54-6 and 63-0. If Mike Hinske would have nominated me for all-conference, he would have been laughed out of the meeting.
HOLIDAYS & OBSERVANCES
I spent my 21st birthday alone in my dorm room studying for an Environmental Studies exam.
I actually spent my 21st birthday singing in Carrie Volp's wedding. I might have had a beer from a plastic cup at the reception. Not exactly a crazy story, but better than this fabrication.
ENTERTAINMENT
I played the minor role of Pentheus, the King of Thebes, in a college production of The Bakkhai.
Did I fool some of you? I was indeed in The Bakkhai. However, I played the smallest part in the play: Guard. Pentheus was a big part and they wouldn't have let me touch it with a 10-foot scepter.
MOVIES & TELEVISION
I have never seen a full episode of Seinfeld.
Of course I have, you nitwits. You mostly know about the Jersey Girl incident, but I bet you were hoping that I wasn't a Mad About You fan. Well, sorry to disppoint. I think I watched that show about 4 times a day when I was in high school. High school! (I do feel less bad about this after reading that MENSA chose MAY as one of the 10 smartest shows of all-time. Seriously.)
FOOD
I spilled ravioli on my white shirt during my first date with my wife.
Wrong. I wore a red shirt, and I ate shrimp alfredo. She wore a red and white checkered shirt and ate Caesar salad. We ate at the Goose Blind. I got her daisies. We watched Murder in the First. Impressive, eh?
JUNE 21, 2003
I didn't eat anything on the day of our wedding.
Very close to being true, but not quite. I didn't anything prior to the wedding, which is why I spent the wedding reception feeling like I was going to pass out or die. However, I had a handful of popcorn and a bite of a cookie on the way from the church to the hotel. And about 8 bottles of Dasani during the reception. I just made it.
EDUCATION
I graduated suma cum laude from Ripon College.
I graduated magna cum laude. And I'm bitter to this day because I didn't get into Phi Beta Kappa. It's a stupid society full of a bunch of snotty, pretentious, self-important losers. (Sorry, dear.)
NUMBERS
I lost $250 on a gambling web site after betting on the Chicago Bears to cover the spread in last year's Super Bowl.
Anyone who thought this was true has no idea how terrified I am of my wife.
CHUCK B.
My son can consistently count from 1 to 10.
First, to clear up the other 2: One day Charlie fell down or something, and he came over to me to get a hug. So I said, "Oh no! Is Charlie sad?" And I tickled him or something, and he thought it was funny, so he kept saying, "Charlie sad!" so I would keep doing it. Later, we were watching basketball--as I've told you before, the only things my son will watch are Sesame Street, VeggieTales, and college basketball--and I said, "Look, it's Chris Paul." So he said, "Chris Paul sad!" And I thought that was pretty funny. So he did it again with Lebron James, then Michael Redd, then Tyler Hansborough. And now he does it with all of the basketball players he knows. Also, his friend Tiffany's mother--Wendy--is from China, and when they were there last, they got him the vest. He wore it on Sunday, and he looked awesome. However, he usually counts like this: "1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10." And sometimes he gets real excited and it's more like this: "1, 2, 4, 7, w, x, y, z!" But he's 2, so give him a break, for crying out loud.
Later gators.
CELEBRITY ENCOUNTERS
If you look closely, you can see me in the background during the tour bus scene of the Vince Vaughn-Jennifer Aniston movie The Break-Up, which was shot in Chicago.
Nope. You can't. I think I did see the movie being filmed one day while we were in Chicago, but I'm pretty sure I'm not in it. I did talk to Rick Reilly on the phone, and I did see Kenny C. in a Nashville Subway--check out top 10 celebrity encounters for more details.
HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS
I was an all-conference football player in high school.
If you know anything about my high school football experience, this one made you laugh. In 2 years of JV and 3 years of varsity (I played both as a sophomore), we won a grand total of 3 games. We were routinely on the losing end of games that ended with scores like 54-6 and 63-0. If Mike Hinske would have nominated me for all-conference, he would have been laughed out of the meeting.
HOLIDAYS & OBSERVANCES
I spent my 21st birthday alone in my dorm room studying for an Environmental Studies exam.
I actually spent my 21st birthday singing in Carrie Volp's wedding. I might have had a beer from a plastic cup at the reception. Not exactly a crazy story, but better than this fabrication.
ENTERTAINMENT
I played the minor role of Pentheus, the King of Thebes, in a college production of The Bakkhai.
Did I fool some of you? I was indeed in The Bakkhai. However, I played the smallest part in the play: Guard. Pentheus was a big part and they wouldn't have let me touch it with a 10-foot scepter.
MOVIES & TELEVISION
I have never seen a full episode of Seinfeld.
Of course I have, you nitwits. You mostly know about the Jersey Girl incident, but I bet you were hoping that I wasn't a Mad About You fan. Well, sorry to disppoint. I think I watched that show about 4 times a day when I was in high school. High school! (I do feel less bad about this after reading that MENSA chose MAY as one of the 10 smartest shows of all-time. Seriously.)
FOOD
I spilled ravioli on my white shirt during my first date with my wife.
Wrong. I wore a red shirt, and I ate shrimp alfredo. She wore a red and white checkered shirt and ate Caesar salad. We ate at the Goose Blind. I got her daisies. We watched Murder in the First. Impressive, eh?
JUNE 21, 2003
I didn't eat anything on the day of our wedding.
Very close to being true, but not quite. I didn't anything prior to the wedding, which is why I spent the wedding reception feeling like I was going to pass out or die. However, I had a handful of popcorn and a bite of a cookie on the way from the church to the hotel. And about 8 bottles of Dasani during the reception. I just made it.
EDUCATION
I graduated suma cum laude from Ripon College.
I graduated magna cum laude. And I'm bitter to this day because I didn't get into Phi Beta Kappa. It's a stupid society full of a bunch of snotty, pretentious, self-important losers. (Sorry, dear.)
NUMBERS
I lost $250 on a gambling web site after betting on the Chicago Bears to cover the spread in last year's Super Bowl.
Anyone who thought this was true has no idea how terrified I am of my wife.
CHUCK B.
My son can consistently count from 1 to 10.
First, to clear up the other 2: One day Charlie fell down or something, and he came over to me to get a hug. So I said, "Oh no! Is Charlie sad?" And I tickled him or something, and he thought it was funny, so he kept saying, "Charlie sad!" so I would keep doing it. Later, we were watching basketball--as I've told you before, the only things my son will watch are Sesame Street, VeggieTales, and college basketball--and I said, "Look, it's Chris Paul." So he said, "Chris Paul sad!" And I thought that was pretty funny. So he did it again with Lebron James, then Michael Redd, then Tyler Hansborough. And now he does it with all of the basketball players he knows. Also, his friend Tiffany's mother--Wendy--is from China, and when they were there last, they got him the vest. He wore it on Sunday, and he looked awesome. However, he usually counts like this: "1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10." And sometimes he gets real excited and it's more like this: "1, 2, 4, 7, w, x, y, z!" But he's 2, so give him a break, for crying out loud.
Later gators.
Monday, March 24, 2008
2 truths and a lie
You know what I hate? Ice-breakers. But whenever you go to a conference/workshop/etc., you're forced to engage in these ridiculous games and activities with total strangers where everything is backward because the most normal, well-adjusted people feel totally uncomfortable and the most insane, irritating individuals are as happy as a bunch of attention-starved clams. Anyway, the only one that I can kind of tolerate is 2 Truths and a Lie. If you haven't played the game before, the title pretty much says it all: You make three statements about yourself, two of which are true and one of which is a lie, then everyone else has to guess which is false. So we're going to play a little game of 2 Truths and a Lie starring yours truly. (If you're an avid reader, you'll notice that some of the answers have already been revealed in previous blog entries.)
CELEBRITY ENCOUNTERS
1) I once spoke on the telephone with 8-time National Sportswriter of the Year Rick Reilly.
2) If you look closely, you can see me in the background during the tour bus scene of the Vince Vaughn-Jennifer Aniston movie The Break-Up, which was shot in Chicago.
3) I once saw Kenny Chesney at a Subway in Nashville.
HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS
1) I was an all-conference football player in high school.
2) I was an all-conference basketball player in high school.
3) I was an all-conference baseball player in high school.
HOLIDAYS & OBSERVANCES
1) I dressed as Doogie Howser for one Halloween when I was in middle school.
2) I crashed my wife's car on the morning of our first Valentine's Day together.
3) I spent my 21st birthday alone in my dorm room studying for an Environmental Studies exam.
ENTERTAINMENT
1) I played the minor role of Pentheus, the King of Thebes, in a college production of The Bakkhai.
2) I was once called up to sing with the gospel choir at the Chicago House of Blues Gospel Brunch.
3) I sang "Mr. Blue," by Garth Brooks, in Walworth Grade School's Pops Concert when I was in 8th grade.
MOVIES & TELEVISION
1) I cried when Jennifer Lopez's character died during the movie Jersey Girl.
2) I own the first season of Mad About You on DVD.
3) I have never seen a full episode of Seinfeld.
FOOD & DRINK
1) I once ate an entire lemon wedge--including the peel--on a dare.
2) I have never had a cup of coffee.
3) I spilled ravioli on my white shirt during my first date with my wife.
JUNE 21, 2003
1) The bridesmaids at our wedding wore green dresses.
2) I didn't eat anything on the day of our wedding.
3) Our wedding party was introduced to the song "Copacabana," by Barry Manilow.
EDUCATION
1) I graduated suma cum laude from Ripon College.
2) I served as student council president my senior year of high school.
3) I began my 2nd-grade year taking two classes at the 3rd-grade level: math and handwriting.
NUMBERS
1) There were 90 students in my high school graduating class.
2) I lost $250 on a gambling web site after betting on the Chicago Bears to cover the spread in last year's Super Bowl.
3) Not including flip-flops, I own 5 pairs of shoes, none of which were purchased within the last calendar year.
CHUCK B.
1) My son thinks it's funny to pretend that certain professional basketball players--Michael Redd, Lebron James, Chris Paul--are sad.
2) My son wore an authentic Chinese vest to our Sunday morning Easter service.
3) My son can consistently count from 1 to 10.
Tune in tomorrow for the big reveal. Hope you'll still be able to sleep tonight.
Later gators.
CELEBRITY ENCOUNTERS
1) I once spoke on the telephone with 8-time National Sportswriter of the Year Rick Reilly.
2) If you look closely, you can see me in the background during the tour bus scene of the Vince Vaughn-Jennifer Aniston movie The Break-Up, which was shot in Chicago.
3) I once saw Kenny Chesney at a Subway in Nashville.
HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS
1) I was an all-conference football player in high school.
2) I was an all-conference basketball player in high school.
3) I was an all-conference baseball player in high school.
HOLIDAYS & OBSERVANCES
1) I dressed as Doogie Howser for one Halloween when I was in middle school.
2) I crashed my wife's car on the morning of our first Valentine's Day together.
3) I spent my 21st birthday alone in my dorm room studying for an Environmental Studies exam.
ENTERTAINMENT
1) I played the minor role of Pentheus, the King of Thebes, in a college production of The Bakkhai.
2) I was once called up to sing with the gospel choir at the Chicago House of Blues Gospel Brunch.
3) I sang "Mr. Blue," by Garth Brooks, in Walworth Grade School's Pops Concert when I was in 8th grade.
MOVIES & TELEVISION
1) I cried when Jennifer Lopez's character died during the movie Jersey Girl.
2) I own the first season of Mad About You on DVD.
3) I have never seen a full episode of Seinfeld.
FOOD & DRINK
1) I once ate an entire lemon wedge--including the peel--on a dare.
2) I have never had a cup of coffee.
3) I spilled ravioli on my white shirt during my first date with my wife.
JUNE 21, 2003
1) The bridesmaids at our wedding wore green dresses.
2) I didn't eat anything on the day of our wedding.
3) Our wedding party was introduced to the song "Copacabana," by Barry Manilow.
EDUCATION
1) I graduated suma cum laude from Ripon College.
2) I served as student council president my senior year of high school.
3) I began my 2nd-grade year taking two classes at the 3rd-grade level: math and handwriting.
NUMBERS
1) There were 90 students in my high school graduating class.
2) I lost $250 on a gambling web site after betting on the Chicago Bears to cover the spread in last year's Super Bowl.
3) Not including flip-flops, I own 5 pairs of shoes, none of which were purchased within the last calendar year.
CHUCK B.
1) My son thinks it's funny to pretend that certain professional basketball players--Michael Redd, Lebron James, Chris Paul--are sad.
2) My son wore an authentic Chinese vest to our Sunday morning Easter service.
3) My son can consistently count from 1 to 10.
Tune in tomorrow for the big reveal. Hope you'll still be able to sleep tonight.
Later gators.
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