Monday, December 17, 2007

what would charlie do?

Having finished our church Christmas pageant yesterday (an unabashed success, by the way), I feel like it's my responsibility to tell you that all of the Christmas pageants you did when you were a kid were full of lies. Sorry if I just totally altered the way you perceive your childhood, but it's the truth. Remember how Mary and Joseph would sit up in front with the little doll that was supposed to be Jesus, then the three guys who could sort of sing would walk to the front to the tune of "We Three Kings"? Well, it turns out that that's not the way it went down. It seems that those three wisemen actually didn't show up until Jesus was almost two years old! Am I the only one that didn't know this? Sara says that Stacy's Bible study group or something had this conversation, and a quick Google search confirms that while the wisemen were taking their sweet time to bring gifts to the son of God, he was becoming a toddler. In fact, a guy named Phil Greetham has a web site on which he scoffs at those who would believe that they showed up "5 minutes after the shepherds left!" Well, soooooooooorry Phil. I guess I just had too much faith in my Sunday School teachers.

What other lies did Mrs. Meredith and Mrs. Kyle tell me? Noah's ark? Adam and Eve? David and Goliath? It makes you wonder how many atheists out there made that decision because they found this out before I did.

Anyway, it occurs to me that if Jesus was roughly two--apparently that's the guess because after the wisemen talked to Herod, he had all boys under two killed--that would mean that he was about my son's age. Now, are we to believe that Jesus was somehow different because of all of the external factors involved in his birth, or was he a pretty typical 2-year-old? Because if he was anything like Charlie, I have a lot of questions:

Did Mary get pissed because the wisemen woke Jesus up from His nap when they banged on the door?

Did He run around yelling "NOT! NOT!" when Mary and Joseph tried to introduce Him to the wisemen?

Did He dump out the gold and just play with the box it came in?

How much of the myrrh did He eat before Joseph realized what He was doing? Or did Mary see it while Joseph was supposed to be watching Him and they got into a big fight?

Was it awkward for Mary and Joseph when He threw the frankincense and went to play with His Snoopy doll instead?

And the thing is, we'll never know. I suppose I could ask our minister, but I'm not really sure how much I trust him anymore.

Later gators.

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