top 10 (not) guilty pleasures

In Chuck IV, Chuck Klosterman includes a short essay about "guilty pleasures." His claim--one that I support--is that this is a condescending term. If we're talking about hiring Vietnamese prostitutes or snorting cocaine off of a fiberglass surfboard, fine. Those are things that some people might find pleasurable, and that they should certainly feel guilty about. But certainly Baywatch re-runs shouldn't be on that list, right? So I've compiled a list of what "society" would call my Top 10 Guilty Pleasures, but which I am calling my Top 10 (Not) Guilty Pleasures. Without further ado...

10. Playstation 2. Do you think this is a typo and I must mean Wii or XBox 360 or at least Playstation 3? Nope. I still have my old-school Playstation 2 from college, and when Sara goes to Oshkosh or Indiana or something, every once in a while I'll throw in Hardball 98 and take on Ken Griffey, Jr.'s Mariners with Fernando Vina (!) and the rest of my Brewers.

9. Mountain Dew. I think I would be hard-pressed to find a single person in the medical community that doesn't think soda is the worst thing in the world for you to put in your body. I'm starting to feel like Charlie's generation is going to look at soda-drinkers the way our generation looks at people who smoke cigarettes. And I'm like one of those guys from the 50's who says, "We didn't know how bad it was for you!" while he's dying of lung cancer. I will be, at least.

8. A Double-Decker Taco Supreme (no tomatoes). These are garbage and no one should ever put them in his or her body, but once a week or so, I do.

7. Those trick shot competitions on ESPN2. I'm flipping through the stations...nothing's on...starting to think about turning off the TV and reading a book...BAM! Trick shot competition. I'm set. Seriously, these things are addicting.

6. The Moment of Truth. We've mentioned this too many times on this blog to not include it. But we've also mentioned it too many times to spend much more time on it here.

5. Entertainment Weekly. Shouldn't I a) be reading something more substantial--Atlas Shrugged or something? and b) at least be wasting my time with something like Guns & Ammo or Field & Stream? Something a little more masculine? Actually, no. Remember, we're not here to judge.

4. "I Would Do Anything For Love," by Meatloaf. Remember a while back when somebody posted the video on the web of that Star Wars kid who was playing with a light saber by himself and it was really embarrassing? If a video like that is ever going to surface for me, it's going to be me in the car, by myself, when this song comes on. I'm banging on the steering wheel, singing at the top of my lungs, practically in tears when the girl's part comes on at the end. This is such a great song.

3. Love Actually. It's not just that I think this is entertaining for the kind of movie it is--the way I do with stuff like Sleepless in Seattle or Superbad. I think this is a genuinely great movie. The writing, the acting, the directing--how was this not nominated for Best Picture?

2. What Not To Wear. I used to sit in the room while my wife was watching and laugh at how lame it was. Then one day she was gone, and I landed on TLC, and I couldn't turn it off. I kept looking out the window to see if Sara was home yet so I could switch it to SportsCenter. I felt like I was watching a snuff film or something. Anyway, I think Stacy and Clinton are awesome, and I love this show. There, I said it.

1. teacher man. It's not that I feel guilty about it--again, I don't feel guilty about any of this stuff--but it's not like I'm saving the world here. Still, if I can make even one heterosexual male feel more comfortable about tearing up when that little boy runs through the airport after the little girl that sang "All I Want For Christmas Is You," then maybe, just maybe, it's all worth it.

Later gators.

the endorsement: the endorsement

So I used to get a number of magazines, but now I get one: Esquire. It's fun to read it and imagine that I'm as cool as they seem to assume I am by virtue of my readership. For example, they had a short article in the most recent issue about watches with a certain kind of strap, and I was looking at the prices and was surprised to find that they were fairly reasonable--mostly around $50. Then I looked closer and realized that it was the straps that cost $50. The watches were in the $3,000 neighborhood. And that happens pretty often when I read this magazine.

But they do occasionally have interesting stuff in there that I can use, and oftentimes it comes in the form of a recurring section called "The Endorsement." Basically, someone from the magazine endorses some music/book/concept/etc. Recent examples include: Tim McGraw, the jockstrap, Spam and egg on toast, RadarGolf, the hug, Mister Mustard, staying indoors, and Crayola crayons.

So as an homage to "The Endorsement," I'm going to put together a list of my own endorsements. Everything on this list comes with my steadfast recommendation. As often as possible, I'll include pertinent web links. Here we go.

1. The Juno soundtrack.
2. Dunkin' Donuts apple fritters.
3. Rachel Ray's carbonara.
4. Ghost Repeater, by Jeffrey Foucault.
5. "The Pineapple Incident" episode of How I Met Your Mother.
6. Boardgames.
7. The Saxton.
8. Indiana University men's basketball warm-ups.
9. Busted Tees. (Specifically, "You have died of dysentery.")
10. My mother's meatloaf.
11. Chipotle.
12. Going out for lunch.
13. Red Stripe.
14. The Diamond and 1 Press.
15. Tootsie's Orchid Lounge on Broadway in Nashville, TN.
16. The word "pejorative."
17. Jewel's Three-Cheese Semolina bread.
18. A Mountain Dew in the morning.
19. The first chapter of Staggerford, by John Hassler.
20. Using scissors to cut up little kids' food.
21. Field trips.
22. Rocky Rococo's.
23. The Food Network.
24. Dr. Drew Pinksy.
25. Cinammon Toast Crunch.
26. People who shave their heads when a friend is going through chemo.
27. Kickball.
28. Chewing gum.
29. Optical illusions.
30. Gambling for the sake of gambling.
31. The Reese's Peanut Butter Pie at the Ft. Myers Alehouse.
32. Beards.
33. String cheese.
34. Mitch Hedberg.
35. Tyson Dinosaur Fun Nuggets with Tastefully Simple Pomegranate Chipotle Sauce.

Feel free to add more by way of comments. And if you're not familiar with this stuff, by all means, check it out.

Later gators.