Wednesday, November 28, 2007

who says there's nothing good on tv?

When I dress in the morning, my only real goal is not to stand out. I don't need to be the best-dressed guy in the room. I just don't want anyone to wonder if I'm colorblind.

I do not dance in public.

I avoid eating messy food around people I've just met.

All of these things are true for the same reason: I have a healthy respect for embarrassment. Evidently, this is not true of the following people: Brigitte Nelson, Jeff Conway, Daniel Baldwin, Jessica Sierra, Seth Binzer, and Joanie Laurer. I know that because those are the celebrities (!) that are going to be featured on the new show, Celebrity Detox. (On some web sites, it's referred to as Celebrity Rehab, but I trust Perez Hilton unequivocally).

Now, after hearing about the show on the radio this morning, I decided to do a little research once I got to school, and I was shocked to find out that there are critics out there that think this is a "controversial," or sometimes "appalling," concept for a show. I disagree. I think this is an excellent idea for a show, and I hate reality TV. Here's why I think it's awesome:

1. They can use Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" as the theme song. I kind of like that song.

2. There could be a really hilarious, ironic drinking game associated with the show. Every time Jeff Conway spits when he yells, you drink. Every time someone accidentally calls Joanie Laurer "Chyna," you drink. Every time Jessica Sierra, of American Idol "fame," vomits, you drink. Every time Brigitte Nelson has fewer than two items of clothing on, you drink. I think this is brilliant.

3. It has Drew Pinksy. What the heck happened to Loveline, by the way? I loved that show.

4. It solicited the following comment, a reference to musician Seth Binzer, on perezhilton.com: "The fact that Crazytown ever existed kind of makes me want to smoke crack. I can only imagine how this guy must feel."

There's only one thing that could make the show better: a Survivor-type format in which contestants are booted off every week. Sorry, Mr. Baldwin. We'd like to help you, but it took you nearly three minutes to finish the obstacle course. Best of luck.

Later gators.

2 comments:

Stacy said...

Am I the only one who noticed that most of these people were on The Surreal Life at one point? (Probably. The rest of you have real lives that don't involve VH-1).

Speaking of Loveline, remember when Jamie Arnold called when we were at Ripon?? (Clearly this comment is only directed to Sara).

Claire said...

Every week, there are two Baldwins on my television. I know one of them is Alec on 30 Rock, but to me, there are only two categories of Baldwins: Alec and not Alec. So even though I see him every week, I had to stop when I read this and make sure that Daniel Baldwin was not the Dirty Sexy Money Baldwin. Who, it turns out, is Billy.

Brigitte Nielsen is so very scary, but that might just go back to seeing her basically naked making out with Flava Flav. That would traumatize anyone, I think.

My current guilty pleasure is The Real Housewives of Orange County. BRILLIANT. Truly. It makes me want to go there and thank them for making me feel normal. And then also maybe they would buy me dinner, since they're quite rich.