Wednesday, May 21, 2008

don't forget: i suck at fantasy baseball

Most fantasy baseball experts agree that you can't really tell what you've got as a fantasy baseball owner until 6 weeks into the season. Well, we are now just over 6 weeks into the season, and I still don't know what I've got because I don't know anything about fantasy baseball. However, I thought it would be a good time to give you a run-down on my team and my season so far. So without further ado, a look at the papelboners:

TEAM NAME: the papelboners
It was a lucky break that I was able to snag Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon in the 7th round because I'd had this team name in mind for quite some time. As an added plus, JP's got 13 saves and a 2.45 ERA on the season. I'd have taken him anyway.

THE LEAGUE: Get Off the Shed!!!
An obvious reference to the Will Ferrel SNL sketch in which he seems to be a mild-mannered suburbanite grilling hot dogs for a neighborhood barbecue, then flips out because his kids keep climbing on the shed. Good times.

There are 8 teams composed of college buddies--mostly baseball players. For one day, I was in first (because I have a bunch of Red Sox and they played before anyone else). It was the greatest day of my life. I will not get higher than 5th.

BEST PLAYER: Kevin Youkilis, Boston Red Sox
Ironically, the guy who's performed the best for me is one that I didn't even draft--I picked him up off the waiver wire a week into the season. Regardless, he's hitting .328 with 9 HR's and 34 RBI's. That's solid.

WORST PLAYER: Nick Swisher, Chicago White Sox
He may get better, but right now he's hitting .208. Doesn't matter--I picked him up in a trade with Luke Hagel and I mostly just wanted Cliff Lee, the stud pitcher for Cleveland that nobody can hit.

BEST DRAFT PICK: Magglio Ordonez, Detroit Tigers
This isn't the same as my best player, not only because I didn't draft Youkilis, but because we're talking about value for the round in which he was drafted. For example, my top pick should be really good (we'll talk about that in a minute), but I got Ordonez in the 6th round--that means over 40 players had already been drafted--and he's hitting .312 with 7 HR's and 24 RBI's. Second place goes to my 10th-round pick, Yankees closer Mariano Rivera.

WORST DRAFT PICK: Jose Reyes, New York Mets
My #1 pick--the 2nd pick overall--is hitting .270. He has a lot of stolen bases--12--but he's average in everything else. He's not horrible, but I could have had anyone except A-Rod, and there are a lot of players playing much better than JR.

BEST MESSAGE BOARD COMMENT INVOLVING ME: "Baker is the gift that keeps on giving," Chuck Saponara
My buddy Chuck said this because I kept dropping guys that, evidently, I should have kept. How am I supposed to know? I don't even watch baseball.

PREDICTIONS FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON: 1) I'll finish second-to-last. 2) I will make a trade that will make everyone in my league furious because they think I'm throwing the season when I'm really just underinformed. 3) I'll forget that I have a team in that league around mid-August. 4) Next year, I'll do all of these things again. (Maybe I'll finish in dead last, though.)

So there you have it. I love fantasy baseball.

Later gators.


The Ben Show said...

I always make my brothers mad by participating in the draft and then proceeding to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the season until one of them calls me mad b/c apparently they offered me some "trade" weeks previously. "Get off the shed." - Classic angry Will Ferrell

Claire said...

How many Orioles do you have? The number is too low, I just know it.