Here's something that I actually do: If I'm bored and sitting at a computer (for example, during Themes in World Lit.), I will Google "top 10." That's it. Not the top ten of anything in particular. Just "top 10." I've examined the Top 10 Awesomely Bad Dolls (topped, understandably, by an Adolf Hitler Doll), the Top 10 Sing-Along Pop Hits (topped, less understandably, by the Baha Men's "Who Let The Dogs Out?"), and the Top 10 Reggae and Dancehall Songs (can anybody say "Driver," by Buju Banton?). The point is, I will read anything if it attempts to rank something. I don't know why.
Anyway, with that in mind, I think that Top 10 lists will be a staple of teacher man, and our inaugural list is going to focus on the greatest Saturday Night Live sketches ever produced. Now, I've done my best to find links to each of these sketches online, but a few are inexplicably unfindable. For those, you'll just have to take my word for it. First...
HONORABLE MENTION: Amy Poehler's Kaitlyn sketches; Celebrity Jeopardy (especially the French Stewart, Burt Reynolds, and Sean Connery one); Wayne's World & Aerosmith; Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker; the Bill Brasky sketches; The Devil Can't Write a Love Song; and "Get on the bag!"
And now, without further ado, the Top 10 SNL Sketches of All-Time:
10. Christopher Walken's "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off" Monologue. We'll begin our list with one of the best beginnings to an episode ever. Hilarious. And yeah, there's no link. Sorry.
9. Peyton Manning's United Way Commercial. "Why is the door open?!" Okay, so this obviously isn't a time-tested clip, but I think it's going to hold up. I challenge you not to laugh when Peyton throws his first pass.
8. Sean Hayes at Jeffrey's. Again, there's no link here, but "There's a half-eaten taco in my Tercel!" is the greatest moment in Horatio Sanz's SNL career. And Sean Hayes is awesome.
7. Inside the Actor's Studio with Charles Nelson Reilly. The first appearance on the list for Alec Baldwin, and one of the most rewatchable clips on the list. How much of this was Will Ferrell ad libbing, by the way? "Nor indeed was the world. Nor history. Nor anything that the human eye has ever captured." He had to have made that up on the spot. And I can't even begin to count how many times I've used the word scrumptrilescent. Awesome.
6. Steve Martin's Christmas Wish List. If you were SNL, wouldn't you want good SNL clips to be out there on the Internet so people could see them and remember when your show was funny? Evidently not. However, I did find the monologue that Steve Martin delivered for the Christmas show back when he was a guest host in '91, and it's perfect.
5. "The Boxer," by Simon & Garfunkel. I know this isn't exactly a sketch, but you should definitely see it if you haven't. It's from the 2nd episode of SNL back in 1975, shortly after they had separated. They were totally still on the same page though.
4. Farley-Swayze Chippendales Dance-Off. How great is Chris Farley at committing to his character here? And Kevin Nealon's totally-serious explanation of why they're going with Swayze over Farley is perfect.
3. Ed Glosser: Trivial Psychic. Christopher Walken is a guest host and he's on this list three times. That tells you all you need to know.
2. Schweaty Balls. I really don't think there's much argument about the top two. Alec Baldwin steals the show here, but Molly Shannon and Ana Gasteyer are equally funny.
1. More Cowbell. Obviously. The cock of the walk, baby.
So there you go.