Tuesday, March 25, 2008

2 truths and a lie (part 2)

Is this self-indulgent? Maybe. Anyway, without further ado, the lies...

If you look closely, you can see me in the background during the tour bus scene of the Vince Vaughn-Jennifer Aniston movie The Break-Up, which was shot in Chicago.
Nope. You can't. I think I did see the movie being filmed one day while we were in Chicago, but I'm pretty sure I'm not in it. I did talk to Rick Reilly on the phone, and I did see Kenny C. in a Nashville Subway--check out top 10 celebrity encounters for more details.

I was an all-conference football player in high school.
If you know anything about my high school football experience, this one made you laugh. In 2 years of JV and 3 years of varsity (I played both as a sophomore), we won a grand total of 3 games. We were routinely on the losing end of games that ended with scores like 54-6 and 63-0. If Mike Hinske would have nominated me for all-conference, he would have been laughed out of the meeting.

I spent my 21st birthday alone in my dorm room studying for an Environmental Studies exam.
I actually spent my 21st birthday singing in Carrie Volp's wedding. I might have had a beer from a plastic cup at the reception. Not exactly a crazy story, but better than this fabrication.

I played the minor role of Pentheus, the King of Thebes, in a college production of The Bakkhai.
Did I fool some of you? I was indeed in The Bakkhai. However, I played the smallest part in the play: Guard. Pentheus was a big part and they wouldn't have let me touch it with a 10-foot scepter.

I have never seen a full episode of Seinfeld.
Of course I have, you nitwits. You mostly know about the Jersey Girl incident, but I bet you were hoping that I wasn't a Mad About You fan. Well, sorry to disppoint. I think I watched that show about 4 times a day when I was in high school. High school! (I do feel less bad about this after reading that MENSA chose MAY as one of the 10 smartest shows of all-time. Seriously.)

I spilled ravioli on my white shirt during my first date with my wife.
Wrong. I wore a red shirt, and I ate shrimp alfredo. She wore a red and white checkered shirt and ate Caesar salad. We ate at the Goose Blind. I got her daisies. We watched Murder in the First. Impressive, eh?

JUNE 21, 2003
I didn't eat anything on the day of our wedding.
Very close to being true, but not quite. I didn't anything prior to the wedding, which is why I spent the wedding reception feeling like I was going to pass out or die. However, I had a handful of popcorn and a bite of a cookie on the way from the church to the hotel. And about 8 bottles of Dasani during the reception. I just made it.

I graduated suma cum laude from Ripon College.
I graduated magna cum laude. And I'm bitter to this day because I didn't get into Phi Beta Kappa. It's a stupid society full of a bunch of snotty, pretentious, self-important losers. (Sorry, dear.)

I lost $250 on a gambling web site after betting on the Chicago Bears to cover the spread in last year's Super Bowl.
Anyone who thought this was true has no idea how terrified I am of my wife.

My son can consistently count from 1 to 10.
First, to clear up the other 2: One day Charlie fell down or something, and he came over to me to get a hug. So I said, "Oh no! Is Charlie sad?" And I tickled him or something, and he thought it was funny, so he kept saying, "Charlie sad!" so I would keep doing it. Later, we were watching basketball--as I've told you before, the only things my son will watch are Sesame Street, VeggieTales, and college basketball--and I said, "Look, it's Chris Paul." So he said, "Chris Paul sad!" And I thought that was pretty funny. So he did it again with Lebron James, then Michael Redd, then Tyler Hansborough. And now he does it with all of the basketball players he knows. Also, his friend Tiffany's mother--Wendy--is from China, and when they were there last, they got him the vest. He wore it on Sunday, and he looked awesome. However, he usually counts like this: "1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10." And sometimes he gets real excited and it's more like this: "1, 2, 4, 7, w, x, y, z!" But he's 2, so give him a break, for crying out loud.

Later gators.


panykattack said...

Daisies. I AM impressed. Also, I knew the Mr. Blue one was true. I remember being so happy that you were doing a Garth song. And then Stephanie and I wanted to sing "The River" and Mrs. C wouldn't let us because 'someone was already doing a Garth song.' Lame! So then she sort of assigned us a song that I'd never heard before, and I distinctly remember the following conversation.
Alex: "What song are you singing in the concert?"
Jessi: "I don't know, some song I've never heard of. I think it's called Raindrops from Heaven."
Alex: "Ummmm.... I think you mean Tears in Heaven."
Jessi: "Whatever! I've never heard it."

Stacy said...

Isn't Gooseblind one word??

And, we don't want you in Phi Beta Kappa anyway, Alex. You aren't cool enough for the secret handshake.

baker/joe said...

this is my favorite entry yet.
look at mine:

1) i met natasha beddingfield after she performed at the kansas city bbq festival. she called me the 'tall boy with the big smile who knew all the words'.
2) i met kathy griffin in washington dc, and she told me that i was her second favorite fan.
3) i met rod stewart in an elevator in new york city and i told him he smelled good.

1) I played the only character in the musical HAIR that didnt get naked.
2) I played a male prostitute addicted to crack who was obsessed with himself and al pacino movies.
3) I played an evil doctor who stole the souls of towns people and used them as puppets.

1) I dressed as a pirate one year for halloween and my mom covered my face in vaseline and coffee grounds to make a beard.
2) I was arrested for urinating in public on my 21st birthday, but talked my way out of it by telling the cop that i was infact throwing-up in public.
3) I have had to fly home for the past three Christmases.

1) I spent an entire summer dressed in a ten-foot dog costume dancing for children at various state and county fairs.
2) I was once asked to take part in a comedy sketch with the famed "Second City" troup of Chicago.
3) I have auditioned for three seasons of American Idol, but am continually told that I am too tall for the competition.

1) My favorite movies are: Silence of the Lambs, The American President, and Drop Dead Gorgeous
2) I have never been to/seen a show on Broadway.
3) I did not receive my high school diploma on time because i hadnt paid for my dance-shoes from Brigadoon.

1) I am grossed out by cottage cheese, and have never had a bite.
2) I flew in from DC in 2006 for a three day, alcohol and food drenched weekend in Chicago for my brother Sam's 21st birthday.
3) I am allergic to mushrooms.

JUNE 21, 2003
1) I walked down the isle with Stacy Erickson.
2) My date to the wedding was Lauren Danna because I knew that she could handle herself if I didnt talk to her all night.
3) I sang "Caro Mio Bien" and "The Lord's Prayer".

1) I went to Cornell College on a Musical Theatre Performance Scholarship.
2) I read the play "Angels in America (Part I)" for four different classes at Cornell.
3) I was voted Prom King in High School and Homecoming King in College.

1) I have told all of my co-workers and clients that I am "25" for the last three years.
2) I have lived had 6 adresses since April 2005.
3) My favorite wine costs $26 a bottle.

1) Charlie Baker is my 4th Niece/Nephew.
2) On my Myspace Picture Page I have a picture of Charlie Baker with the caption: Charlie Baker is the most entertaining person I know.
3) Charlie is in no way/shape/or form like his Uncle Joe. We are opposites. But I still love him.