Wednesday, March 26, 2008

miscellaneous

I have a funny story to tell, I want to address Joe's 2 Truths and a Lie, and I have a web site to recommend, so today we have a real teacher man smorgasbord. (New Year's Resolution '09: Use the word "smorgasbord" more often.)

THE APPETIZER
I stopped by the post office yesterday to send out a couple of things, and I heard the following conversation, word for word, between 2 middle school kids. (It is typically my policy to avoid salty language on teacher man whenever possible, but sometimes it's not possible. Be prepared.)

MIDDLE SCHOOLER #1: Okay, explain this to me.
MIDDLE SCHOOLER #2: Okay.
MS 1: 3 is 3 times as much as 1, right?
MS 2: Right.
MS 1: Then how come $3.99 is only twice as much as $1.99?
MS 2 (literally stopping in mid-stride, with his jaw nearly on the sidewalk, and in his most amazed voice): Holy shit.
MS 1: I know!

That made my Tuesday.

THE MAIN COURSE
Okay, I'm going to take a stab at Joe's 2 Truth and a Lie. If you didn't see his comment to yesterday's post, check it out.

1) I'm saying it's #3. I think Rod Stewart told you that you smelled good. (Again, if you didn't read his comment, you need to check it out because it just occurred to me that that sounds like a crazy sentence if you don't know what we're talking about.)

2) I don't remember you playing the evil doctor, but I do remember the other 2, so I'm saying #3. (Your performance in Hair, by the way, is the reason that every time Stacy mentions her place of employment, I sing, "Manchester, England, England!" in my head.)

3) #3. I don't think you flew home this year. I know that #1 is true because that's a classic mom move--the old Vaseline/coffee ground beard. And #2 sounds like something you'd do.

4) I'm saying #3 again. Too tall for American Idol? I don't think that sounds right. I think you're just too weird.

5) Tricky. I think they're all true. I guess maybe you saw a Broadway show that I'm not aware of. I'll say #2.

6) #3. You're not allergic. You used to think you didn't like them, but once you tried one, you realized that you love them. I listen to you.

7) #1. You did not walk with Stacy. Andy walked with Stacy--you walked with Aletha.

8) For you, #3 is the lie. But it wouldn't be for all of us.

9) I'm going to say #1, even though it seems just weird enough for Joe Baker to do it.

10) #3 is a bold-faced lie. Anyone who knows anything about Charlie and anything about you knows that you are identical. If you don't believe me, ask Joe to count to 10 and wait for him to say, "1, 2, 3, 4, 6, w, x, y, z!"

DESSERT
Stumbled upon this web site the other day, and it made me laugh. It's called "Stuff White People Like," and it's got short essays on stuff like multilingual children, bottles of water, Oscar parties, Mos Def, knowing what's best for poor people, Juno, sushi, Netflix, marathons, having black friends, and tea. You'll love it.

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm stuffed.

Later gators.

4 comments:

Stacy said...

So many random comments from Manchester Indiana, Indiana:

1. We would have had SO much fun if we DID walk down the aisle together, right Joe??? :)

2. Joe's Second City performance was undoubtably the highlight of my 30th birthday.

3. I agree that Joe and Charlie are totally kindred spirits. Joe would definitely stand in my front window and yell "Garbage Truck! Picking up the brown garbage can!" like Charlie did yesterday.

4. I just read an article that mentioned the nakedness in Hair - it was about the relationship between audience members and performers in plays, and I learned that the original Hair cast members pretended the viewers were their friends in order to not feel weird about it.

Sara said...

I think that there are TWO lies in the June 21 category... Joe didn't walk with Stacy AND his date was Jessica M, not Lauren...

panykattack said...

I LOVE 'Stuff White People Like!!' That site always makes me laugh, because most of them are true. Hilarious.

Gail said...

Where can I find Joe's 2 truths and a lie? Sounds like he must have been in the same shape when he answered them as when he called me from Chuck's that night!