Thursday, March 13, 2008

why i don't teach kindergarten

I think I have a new favorite web site. For today, at least. It's And it is exactly what its web address suggests that it would be. You answer a series of questions, and it determines how many five year olds you could take in a fight. Also, the site links to a variety of additional quizzes/games/etc. Great time-waster. Today, I learned:

...that on an enclosed basketball court, with a protective cup but no weapons or foreign objects, I could knock out no fewer than 17 five year olds.

...I can name 50 countries in five minutes. That might seem impressive until you realize that there are 270 countries in the world. I did get the United Arab Emirates. I did not get Italy.

...I can name 41 colors in five minutes. This one is bullcrap. According to whom? I mean, "brick red" is a color. Ask Crayola. Anyway, I still feel like 41 is pretty good.

...that if I were stranded on the moon, I would die almost immediately. I earned a 34% on the Moon Survival Challenge. On this grading scale, that is an F.

...that 139,012 people died on the day I was born (10/6/1980). Among them were British comedienne Hattie Jacques and French cyclist Jean Robic. On my various birthdays, the following people have died: Anwar Sadat (in '81), Bette Davis ('89), Johnny Vander Meer ('97), and Buck O'Neill ('07).

...that my body is 71% effective as a human shield.

...that my dead body is worth $4,140. I don't have any point of reference here, but I feel like that number should be higher.

...that I have only a 34% chance of survival in the event of a zombie attack. (Didn't I tell you this was a great site? Where else could you find out that the odds of you surviving a zombie attack are precisely the same as the odds of you surviving a crash landing on the moon?)

...that I am 30% geek. I think this comes as a shock to just about everyone.

...that I am 39% likely to eat my buddies in a blizzard.

...that there is a 50% chance that my brain contains grade-A synethesia. (It has something to do with creativity. I can't explain it any better than that.)

...that I am defined as a "lush," scoring an 80% on the Booze Test.

...that I know Disney slightly better than I know alcohol, as I scored an 81% on the Disney Test.

...that I am a great speller--100% on the Blogger Spelling Test. Was there every any doubt?

So there you go. I hope you didn't have anything planned for the next hour. Meanwhile, my English 11 Lit. kids are pissed because I haven't graded their essays. If they only knew...

Later gators.


Sara said...

I took the color test, and I agree that this site needs to check with Crayola. I tried brick red, too! PS - I'll have to go check what percent geek I am...

Stacy said...

I can take nine kindergartners in a fight. I knew it would be low once I started answering questions... I'm slender, never been in a fight, think it's morally wrong to use a child as a weapon, etc. etc. But, I did saw I would fight dirty and bite or gauge eyes if I needed to, so watch out.

Stacy said...

I mean I did SAY I would resort to biting. Proofreading - I'd recommend it.

Stacy said...

So, okay...I'm a loser. I just did most of the quizzes, too...

Here are my answers:

- I could fight nine 5-year-olds

- I can name 56 countries in 5 minutes - beat you, Alex! [Thankfully, I just taught World Lit and Reading Lolita in Tehran, so I had an advantage]

- I can name 31 colors in 5 minutes - this one is really peculiar - dark blue and dark green are colors, but dark red isn't?? Hmmm.... BUT, my favorite Crayola color was on there - Burnt Sienna!!! :)

- I'd die even quicker on the moon. I got 26% and also FAILED.

- 136,517 people died on Aug 25, 177, including Truman Capote, Nietzche, and two nerdy authors I just taught in my 17th Century British Literature class

- only 58% effective as a human shield

- My body is worth $4,540 - ha ha!

- 43% able to survive a zombie attack - clearly, you all want to be around me rather than Alex in this case

- 42% geek, but only because I don't watch sci-fi shows or know about computers. But, I did get some points for reading "more than 7 books a month"

And, then I stopped. I need to eat. And, be a real world participant. Alex, you owe a half hour. The papers to grade are on a stack next to me.

panykattack said...

- I can take 18 kindergartners. How did I get more than you? Not possible.

- I didn't do the country or color ones. I don't do well under pressure like that.

- I got 8% on the moon quiz. 8%. Epic fail.

- 138,996 people died the day I was born. I hadn't heard of any of them (except for Henry Ford II) so I won't go into detail.

- 49% effective as a human shield

- My dead body is worth $4,025.

- 42% chance of surviving a zombie apocalypse. Much better than my chances on the moon.

- I am 58% geek. In real life, this number is much higher.

- I'm 37% likely to eat my buddies. The truth is, I totally would, but only if they died first (like in 'Alive').

- I scored 100% on the booze test. I am an Alcoholic. This is news to me.

- 90% on Disney.

Well, that was fun. And time-consuming.