the bucket list

Did everyone else know what this movie was about when they heard the title? I did not, but Monday night I was out to dinner with Nicole and Brian, and Brian claimed that he knew right away. Whether or not he's lying is immaterial. Evidently, the Morgan Freeman-Jack Nicholson vehicle is based on the premise that most people have certain things that they want to accomplish before they die. At first, I didn't think this was the case--at least not for me. I'd like to be able to take more naps, but that's not really bucket list material. I mean, I'm mostly happy with things the way they are. But then I started thinking about it, and I guess there are some things I would like to do before I "kick the bucket." Here they are:

1. Cross over a railroad track a split second before the train passes while the cops are chasing me so they're stuck on the other side while I run to safety.

2. Soak a gunshot wound in tequila before ripping the bullet out with my teeth.

3. Jump into a cab and yell, "Follow that car!"

4. Dejectedly order a whiskey and tell the bartender to "leave the bottle."

5. Cut the green wire just as the timer hits 00:01.

6. Shoot a bad guy in the back just as he's about to kill my partner so that the bad guy falls to reveal me standing there, gun in hand.

7. Run into an area marked "Restricted Access" in pursuit of a criminal as the security guard wheels around and yells, "Hey, you can't..."

8. Prop a chair up beneath the doorknob of the room I'm in to prevent my pursuer from entering.

9. Wipe my prints off a gun and plant it in a dead guy's hand.

10. Lean out the door of a helicopter as it flies away and wave arrogantly at my pursuer.

11. Pull a fake mustache off a guy at a dinner party.

12. Tell someone that "the jig is up."

13. Get thrown out of a casino.

14. Swerve through traffic while firing a pistol at the car behind me.

15. Fall on a grenade to protect the young cadet with the pregnant wife at home.

16. Climb a rope ladder while holding my knife in my teeth.

17. Use a credit card to unlock a room that I'm not supposed to be in.

18. Open a briefcase to reveal rubberbanded stacks of $100's.

19. Have someone call me a "maverick," a "rogue," or a "cowboy." (And possibly add that I'm "going to get someone killed.")

20. Plot to take down the evil, scheming warden at the maximum-security prison where I am being wrongfully held.

21. Threaten a guy in a gym who's on the benchpress by forcing the bar down into his windpipe and telling him that he's "messing with the wrong guy."

22. Shuffle my chair back to the gas stovetop in order to burn through the ropes that are keeping my hands behind my back.

23. Listen to a vague answering machine message from a loved one that's in trouble, then say "Oh my God!" and run out the door with no explanation.

24. Put a cigarette out on my archenemy's chest.

25. Use my dying breath to tell a friend the name of my murderer.

I hope I'm not copying the movie. Did they use a lot of those? I didn't see it.

Later gators.